Immortality Rings

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How To Break A Troll's Knees ...

  ... In less than 10 moves

Occasionally, I ignore my own advice on trolls, and spend a little time troll-bashing. I know I shouldn't, I know it's cruel. But sometimes, the temptation is just too strong.

The discussion was based on a news story about the Falkland Islands - don't think you need to read it to understand the discussion, but if it helps, here it is.

The troll calls himself "conservativemind12"; entry level  troll who goes to a liberal website and posts conservative views to wind them up - and like  most trolls, he doesn't really know much about the issues (or care). But like all trolls, he needs to feel he's scoring points.

Troll: Please explain to me why the Independent and Guardian would take money from the Argentine government to print flagrant lies on their front pages?

Me (1): Most adverts are lies, in most of the papers. They need the cash.

Troll: Some clearly more so than others. As far as I know the Independent and the Guardian are on their knees financially. Looks like they're getting desperate if they are willing to stoop this low.

Me (2): What's low about free speech; I don't agree with one word of it, but I don't see that it's 'low' to let the woman have her say. If you can't see that, you don't have a conservative mind, you have a closed one.

You obviously missed all the tory newspapers lambasting Leveson for a conceivable restraint on the free press. Censorship is not the British way. It's not even the tory way ... there ARE parties that like to censor, and I suspect that's where your mind is.

So even your name is a lie, isn't it? Should we censor you? No. I believe you are entitled to show your totalitarian beliefs, so we can remind ourselves who the real enemy is.

Troll: Get off your high horse for one minute, clearly you have been baited by my name (win).

Her letter is the most loaded one sided rubbish breathable, in fact it's completely laughable and can be de-constructed with ease. If you think that letter is worthy of front page news "in name of free speech" then that is you exercising your right also. I personally see it as a desperate attempt to attract a few quid for a couple of failing newspapers, unpatriotic and pathetic (no wonder they have the smallest circulation - hard truth for you there?).

Odd how it's only the conservative papers that decided to point this fact out. Judging by what you just wrote, one would think you are trying to censor my opinion.

Me (3): Yeah, but those 'conservative papers' also supported the blackshirts, and every right-wing dictator on the planet since (with the possible exception of Mugabe - they still think he's a commie).

Free speech, yes or no?

BTW, your career as a troll won't last if you admit that you're just hoping to wind people up. Just sayin'

I'll leave you to fail a bit more. ;o)

Troll: Free speech when it suits you, you mean, don't worry I'm sure you think the same. Thatcher is great, down with the Unions, bla bla bla, why waste the effort. Actually I chose my name to bring out the best in people like you.

This was when I knew I'd won for certain - no attempt at all to respond

Me (4): I'm not at all sure what you are on about there ... but then, you have no clue either.

Free speech is free speech - you don't get to pick and choose (or it wouldn't be free, would it? duh!)

You remind me of that African dictator's spokesman, who said "The newspaper accused us of censorship, which was not true. So we had to shut it down"

Free speech, yes or no?

Troll: Article 19 of the ICCPR states that "everyone shall have the right to hold opinions without interference" and "everyone shall have the right to freedom of expression; this right shall include freedom to seek, receive and impart information and ideas of all kinds, regardless of frontiers, either orally, in writing or in print, in the form of art, or through any other media of his choice"... Article 19 goes on to say that the exercise of these rights carries "SPECIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES" and may "therefore be subject to certain RESTRICTIONS" when necessary "FOR RESPECT OF THE RIGHTS OR REPUTATION OF OTHERS" or "for the protection of NATIONAL SECURITY or of public health or MORALS"... Clearly you need to brush up old chap.

Me (5): I'm not asking you to selectively quote from some dusty document (that you may or may not understand), I'm asking you for your honest opinion*

Free speech, yes or no?

I could chuck any number of statements on the topic, but they signify nothing if you have no opinion of your own.

*That means stick to the point and answer the question in a way that reflects "YOUR" views. Tough call for a troll, but do your best, OK?

Troll: Because my opinion matters more than the actions of the Guardian and the Independent and how they view freedom of speech, when the only real benchmark to measure their actions against is the true definition under the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights. But don't let the facts get in the way and all that.

You seem annoyed that I haven't answered your question yet, why is that?

Me (6): @conservativemindless:

No, I'm not annoyed at all; I just like watching you squirm. The point of 'discussing', is to have a view; you either have one (which you do) or you pretend not to (confirming your trollism).

It isn't a challenging question for human beings ... it's an absolutely impossible one for a troll, which is why you keep trying, oh so hard to change the subject.

Free speech, yes or no?

£1 says you dare not commit to a view.

Troll: Haha, I only said that because I like watching you squirm, how coincidental. Well my opinion is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things whereas the MSM's is most definitely not, so I shall keep my opinion to myself. Only £1? You tight ass, now go and change your sanitary towel old timer.

At this point, he's retreating; trying to claim my lines, and the first real insult. He's dropped all pretence about caring about the free speech issue. That's pretty much it; over in 6 moves, it's just mopping up from here on.

Me (7): Now we see the last thrust of the oh-so-textbook troll - the childish insults. Can't win the argument, *daren't* answer the question - even for £1!! (two mars bars, sonny!).

I love how young trolls ALWAYS assume we old gits will be insulted when the age comments arrive; nope. I'm more than happy.

And I'm not scared of growing older ... you must be, if you think it's all about leaking. Of course for you, life ahead must look so lonely when you wasted your youth showing everyone how stupid you are. Never mind, at least there'll be a pension for you ... wait ... No. There won't be, will there?

Free speech .... yes or no? ;o)

Troll: Haha, clearly you are a firm believer. You sound like you resent getting old actually, don't be bitter it will all be over soon then you can stop assuming everything and anything. Night night old man, try not to wet the bed.

Nothing new; he's run out of ideas, and flailing around. I'm rather cruelly rubbing it in.

Me (8): I have a great life to look back on, and I'm not dead yet. Dream on!

Must be worrying that with all that education, you can't even troll an old man successfully. Hardly out of nappies, and a failure already.

But any fool can pass an exam; the challenge is to understand the issues, and defend what you believe in. Your failure to discuss the issues shows how shallow you are.

Reread the whole thread - I'm going to preserve it as an example of how to kick the knees out from under an arrogant troll

You've achieved nothing, you've added nothing to the debate, you have nothing to say. What's the point of you? Fail.

Free speech, yes or no?

Go think about why you are too cowardly to answer such a simple question, even with a fake ID. Fail again.

Troll: I thought exactly the same about you, apart from I'm not sad enough to keep this encounter or look back on it. Just a silly bit of banter with an old git who probably sat there all day thinking about what to say, using words like Troll and Fail - how modern, spent a lot of time with your grand-kids lately? Cheerio, I enjoyed the laugh thanks.

Having comprehensively failed, he tries to redefine the conversation

Me (9): I'll send you the URL ;)

And that was just about it; conservativemind12 turned out to have very little mind at all. I'm guessing 12 might be his mental age.

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29 November 2016   Copyright Andrew Heenan